Don’t be a girl’s girl

There’s no I in team, but there is a me.

Currently there’s a popular phenomenon called: being a girl’s girl. It means that you support all women. I believe this idea gained popularity as a result of the backlash from the idea of not being like other girls, which was quite popular in the naughties. Although, it has good intentions and has countered the toxic way women and girls pedestalised themselves above other women and girls by belittling them for liking stereotypical “girly” things, such as liking the colour pink. However, it is increasingly becoming damaging to young women and girls in my opinion.

You can’t be supportive of someone just because they share a characteristic with you. It’s understandable why women want to have solidarity with other women, especially considering the unfavourable experiences women share. However, women are at least half of the world’s population and sharing this characteristic does not ensure certain behaviour in relationships. It’s not wise under any circumstances to blindly trust and support billions of people just because they’re women like you.

It’s time to eliminate this way of thinking!

Focus on I and not we

Collective thinking is harmful to you and your journey. You need to act on your own and go on your own journey and not everyone will or wants to come with you. More so, you can’t depend on others to come along with you to start your journey because you’ll be waiting forever to be honest.

There’s a popular saying: if you go alone alone, you go faster, if you together, you go farther. There’s a lot of wisdom behind this, however, going together with anyone is not helpful. Some people can derail your progress and put obstacles in your journey. You may even find yourself on a journey you don’t even want to be on!

You need to know what you want and move towards it. If you meet people along the way that are aligned with what you want, that’s even better but you can still do it on your own. Being a girl’s girl can delay you from pursuing what you want in life and even prevent you from knowing what you want from life in the first place.

Humans are social creatures and it’s helpful to have others around you for mutual support. You cannot assume you will have mutual support just from having other around you. Not all woman will support you. Some may actually become your number 1 enemy because you’re a woman working towards something. Use your discernment to know who to lend your girl’s girl energy to - not all women deserve it or would reciprocate.

Some women make bad choices

Some women make poor choices in their life and this isn’t something anyone should feel the need to support just because they’re a fellow woman. It reminds me of this tweet from a couple years back that exemplifies this point:

Although, I’m not a fan of calling women bitches. The spirit of the tweet is absolutely correct. Some women are dumb in the way they choose to live their lives. Co-signing women like this is negative in that it legitimises poor behaviour and life-choices but it also enables the women participating in this to continue. This behaviour spreads as well, especially to young girls and women growing up seeing and hearing things that are harmful being downplayed or legitimised. This is why I have an issue with this whole “girl math” thing, but that’s a post for another day.

You may be thinking that women who participate in careless behaviour isn’t that big of a deal to you personal life, but it full well can be if you have people like this in your life. You can’t have someone embracing chaos in your life and think that chaos is not going to come breaking down your down.

Being a girl’s girl involves supporting, even tacitly, horrible behaviour and life choices and at worst, opening yourself up to negative experiences as a result of associating with these types of women. All the while you think your doing good because you’re being a girl’s girl.

Some women are evil

There are women who are not good people. I’ve been seeing a rise in this strange notion that all women are almost angels and good people while men are just inherently evil and nasty. The threat men can pose to women is unique and women’s are right to be cautious, however, taking the complete opposite approach to women is dangerous. Women can be as evil as men. A couple of times every year, we hear stories of women literally being murder by their female friends. Women are just as capable of evil as men, and by seeing them as incapable of harm exposes you more to risks from women then men as you’re more likely to trust other women and be vulnerable around them.

The main point is that, you need to be cautious around all people until you can qualify them. If they’re someone you find you can trust, great! If not, maintain your distance from them. Don’t just trust blindly trust a woman in your pursuit to be a girl’s girl.

Be a normal girl

Your support for others is valuable energy. You should not be giving this out to just anyone, especially for superficial and untested reasons, such as sharing a characteristic. When you are a girl’s girl, you enable negative behaviour and invite chaotic people into your life. You open yourself up to women who have bad intentions for you as well. All of this will derail your own life, or even cut it short. I know that can sound very dramatic, but blind trust can have grave consequences.

Use your discernment to know who is worth your “girl’s girl” energy and don’t wait to receive support from other women to get what you want out of life. Don’t be a girl’s girl, just be normal.